This weekend I caught up on some sleep.
Last week was crazy. I had a paper due every day Mon-Thu. On top of that, we've been having a lot of issue at The Chimes that have drained me physically and emotionally.
Good news is that I love Redeemer Church! The past few services have been so amazing. My church always amazes me with how intentional and open it is. I love how spontaneous it can be too. Though we have an intentional structure, the leaders allow short, unplanned diversions as the Spirit leads. There is so much authenticity in that.
It's crazy that I'm already halfway through with the semester. Unbelievable. I'll be honest, I'm much more scared of graduation than excited. When I entered college I never imagined how unstable things would get. Everyone always gave me the impression that a college degree was a ticket to success. And yet, most of the people I know who graduated last year are still looking for work (including some people who I consider much more ambitious than me). It's hard to authentically enjoy life when I have that huge burden on me to find a job -- which is made all the more heavy by the $40,000 in student loans I'll have to pay off.
I want to go to the beach; I want to take trips; I want to go on dates. Yet all these things feel so trivial when I consider my imminent need to find employment. Yes, I know God will take care of me...you don't need to remind me. But I'm still an emotional wreck because I don't know exactly how specifically God's sovereignty applies to my life. (How specifically has God planned my life? How much effort does he expect from me?)
My one comfort right now is that I have a lot of support from family. Obviously no one is going to allow me to end up on the street. Still, I came to college so that I could do something with my life and support myself, not so that I could move back home and mooch off my family for a few more years.
I don't know where I'm going.
Life. It is my textbook.
About Me
- Michael Farr
- Tacoma, Washington, United States
- Soldier. Writer. Life explorer. I'm here for love, joy and lots of stories.
2 comments:
Hey there~ though week huh? well, we all have those, but those weeks help us appreciate the weeks that are a little less stressful. They also remind us that God dosen't give us stuff that we can't handle but allows to us to grow. What you are doing with college is not easy stuff, if it was, everybody would do it, things are not always going to come easy or with instructions on what to do next, that is life, reality and sometimes it just isn't fun or fair. Of course, you won't end up on the street, you know that, but I totally understand about feeling uneasy about coming home, it is not in your game plan, you have been on your own and you have done well with it. There is nothing like the freedom of living with you own rules. Whatever happens you will deal with it, whether good or bad, which both are bound to happen. Life offers no guarentee, but that is how you grow. We all know that your faith will always be there and I also believe in you. We all miss you so much and can't wait to see you. Much love to you
Mom
Whew, it is incredible how much of a burden the world puts on a man. A Godly man, I know. There was a time when fullfillment of salvation had yet to be seen through Jesus Christ. Wise and faithul men (and women) of the Old Testament were the excellent examples of endurance. No doubt endurance caused the character development required in preparing them, preparing us, to fellowship in our own unique way, with Him, in Heaven, for eternity. You are an excellent example of endurance Michael. Do not worry, your Father in Heaven and on earth have got your back. But excellence brings with it long suffering. ALL FOR JESUS though, we get to choose our cause for suffering and that's true freedom (even in suffering). The job market sucks, the dollar is dropping, the smart people aren't leading (often enough), we've all gone into massive debt, our economy is shot (Hmmm debt=a shot economy, ya know, remember the "not smart people leading" remark?), sex being fed to our kids daily, a lot of dangerous religions, starvation, disease, greed, and just a whole lot of corruption. Not one of those things describes God, yet it happens. We are stubborn children, every one of us, and God is willing to see us suffer in order to raise one or two of His to bring order and peace. He desires the glory but gives us a part in it, fantastic. I believe that you will do fine, that God will blow your mind. I have seen Him work in my life, unbelievably at times, yet I've "seen" it. The same faith "seen" by men thousands of years ago. Mom is right, you are always welcome at home, but you will be living in the 31 foot Jayco out back. Don't worry I would make sure you were plugged in and propaned up (...ya might just be red neck). Just have to end my boring theological, being a Dad, stuff with some humor. Find and feel the Joy My Brotha.
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