This weekend I caught up on some sleep.
Last week was crazy. I had a paper due every day Mon-Thu. On top of that, we've been having a lot of issue at The Chimes that have drained me physically and emotionally.
Good news is that I love Redeemer Church! The past few services have been so amazing. My church always amazes me with how intentional and open it is. I love how spontaneous it can be too. Though we have an intentional structure, the leaders allow short, unplanned diversions as the Spirit leads. There is so much authenticity in that.
It's crazy that I'm already halfway through with the semester. Unbelievable. I'll be honest, I'm much more scared of graduation than excited. When I entered college I never imagined how unstable things would get. Everyone always gave me the impression that a college degree was a ticket to success. And yet, most of the people I know who graduated last year are still looking for work (including some people who I consider much more ambitious than me). It's hard to authentically enjoy life when I have that huge burden on me to find a job -- which is made all the more heavy by the $40,000 in student loans I'll have to pay off.
I want to go to the beach; I want to take trips; I want to go on dates. Yet all these things feel so trivial when I consider my imminent need to find employment. Yes, I know God will take care of me...you don't need to remind me. But I'm still an emotional wreck because I don't know exactly how specifically God's sovereignty applies to my life. (How specifically has God planned my life? How much effort does he expect from me?)
My one comfort right now is that I have a lot of support from family. Obviously no one is going to allow me to end up on the street. Still, I came to college so that I could do something with my life and support myself, not so that I could move back home and mooch off my family for a few more years.
I don't know where I'm going.