Hard week

So this has been one of the hardest weeks on me so far. To be quite honest I'm pretty discouraged right now.

Last Friday I had a small attribution error in my article, where I said some guy presented some stats, when in fact someone else at the same event had presented them. I've had to deal with this, frantically trying to find out what went wrong, contact the right people, write up a correction, apologize the guy who wrote in to complain about it and face a bit of chiding from my editor.

Today I just really felt like my editor was laying it on thick. Now, it could have been that I was just ultra sensitive, since I was still getting over the error, but it really felt like he was pretty hard on me today. He harassed me about a feature article I have been working on for weeks now, telling my my lede wasn't what he wanted. He harassed me about forgetting to sign my name at the end of my blog post. He sounded exasperated when I asked him questions. It just hasn't been a good day.

To top it all off, I nearly made a huge disaster today. I was working on an article about a bill that is being voted on tomorrow, so I called like five or six congressmen, but had to leave messages for all of them.

As soon as I had turned in the article, I got a call. I picked up the phone and the person introduced themselves quickly, so didn't quite get their name. But since it sounded a lot like the name of one of the congressmen I called, I assumed I was talking to him. He gave me a great quote and I added it into my post as an update.

But, at the request of my editor (who I am sure was being extra careful with me since I made an error last week), I fact checked my article just to be sure. As I was verifying all the names, something didn't sit well with me about the quote I had just got from the phone conversation. Needless to say, after a couple minutes of research I had enough doubt to tell one of the Web desk people to take down the quote I just gave them (this is about 10 minutes after the update went up online).

Making a phone call, my fear was confirmed. The guy I had talked to earlier was not the congressman I thought, but rather someone who I had called earlier about their opposition to the bill, but had to leave a message for. I had misquoted a congressman, and for 10 minutes the whole world could have seen it.

Ugh.

I suppose I am just feeling rather down on myself. I had been feeling so good about the work I was doing, but now I just feel like crap--thinking of all the reasons why I should just quit this journalism stuff.

I know my emotions right now are temporary. And I know by my next good article I'll be feeling much better. But still, I feel like I just want to go home right now, where I don't have to deal with the pressure of deadlines, 100 percent accuracy and impressing the boss.

....

This is probably what I asked for. You know, at the beginning of this semester I asked God to keep me humble. Wow, do I feel pretty humbled right now. I'm a long way from the undying praise and encouragement I get at Biola from my journalism professors.

The question now is, what do I do? This internship has definitely revealed to me more about myself. It definitely has shown me that what I thought I wanted from journalism is not what actually will fulfill me.

At Biola I am the news guy. I won news writer of the year last year, and have been responsible for many of the hard breaking pieces with The Chimes. I'm starting to realize now that, though I still am good at hard news, I much prefer writing about peoples' lives. Their hobbies, their passions, their faith. One of the funnest articles I wrote this semester was about two guys who do wingsuit skydiving. It was also the article that got edited the least, and received the most compliments. Maybe that's telling me something.

But I also have been questioning whether I even want to be in this field, with all the stress and responsibility that comes with it. I mainly think this when I am at home, as I tend to really get into my articles while I'm writing them (something I call the journalistic rush). I don't really think my doubts about journalism are that honest, as I know God has done so much to get me where I am--and I know I am good at reporting. But, it's a feeling I have, nonetheless. Probably a good thing to think about.
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Well, this post has been long. I just needed to vent a little bit. I will admit that a lot of this has to do a bit with homesickness--for Biola and Oregon. I would be lying if I said I wasn't a bit lonely and wanting the program to end so I can come back. I never really feel like this at Biola because there always are so many awesome friends around me. Plus chapel services during the week that keep me connected with God.

Here in D.C., work has served as a very poor replacement for both those aspects. I increasingly find myself calling people at for Biola or home, just to talk to someone. And I'm oftern quite guilty for spending such little time in the Word.

Never before have I realized how important the church community is to me as I do now.